1. |
Dream On
03:13
|
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an old buick with the sun roof open
made believe that we were in a spaceship
not two years left and waiting
not two kids totally wasted
now it’s
just gripping pleasant stasis
we pretend that life is just like this
like we’re not so old and jaded
not time that went totally wasted
but we don’t owe a thing to them
not a single goddamn thing
claw marks on every single hour
on every single moment
i put claw marks on every single hour
like i could hold on to it
but i can’t hold a single thing
not a single goddamn thing
so sell your guitar and get a bank job.
dream a different dream
ditch the cargo van and get a buzzcut.
give up on the dream.
cause i used to sit in self righteous judgement
a cloak of integrity.
but maybe I’m not so fucking different
just held a different dream
|
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2. |
Bummed
02:58
|
|||
he walks up to bum a cigarette
looks in my eyes
thinks twice. gives a nod
and walks on.
says "just forget it".
the technicolor ferris wheel
a monarchy of flashing steel
sang joy to the world.
or at least just for the moment
but i wasn’t high enough.
or i wasn’t high at all.
just lost in the garishness
of a moment built for internet
for rapid serotonin drip
stuck in eternal listlessness
Lost in the Supermarket
or at least for the moment
Feeling something real to me
I wanna be back in Milwaukee
Seeing something real to see
I wanna be back in Milwaukee
And all at once it came to me
There ain’t much left to be
And none of this shit makes me happy
Now be happy!
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3. |
Desk Drawer
03:36
|
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these desk drawers
loan agreements. folders of w2s.
school ids from two thousand three four and six
you swear you'll hack your way through
this last drawer’s got a box
(and i know whats in it)
you panic. start to stop coming unglued.
go back to
apartment leases
in hopes that it’d cease the
fact that you know what you’re gonna do
I had an early twenties headspace
and teenaged dread
I tried to solve all of your problems
but I burned it all down instead
those were some of the worst days
and some of the
best that I ever had
And I’ll never be happy again
but I smile
clock in and out
force every word from my mouth
an “i love you”
an “i’ll take the check”
but i know I’ll never be happy again
like that
I’ll keep it in the desk drawer
keep those years in my head
an artistic and tragic and romantic past
(You're confusing some key elements)
It’s all there.
And it’s always been.
It’s in the back of my head.
When I think about it.
I start to think of something else instead,
but I slip into a selfish fuckin headspace
And teenaged dread
Tried to solve all of my problems
but I made some new ones instead
those were some of the worst days
and some of the
best that you ever had
and you’ll never be happy again
|
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4. |
Wasteland
03:04
|
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This wasteland is whittling the bones
you move like public transport
you exhale exhaust out the door,
get on get off again
you sweat out the metal and plastic.
and the polyester fabric
get on get off, get on again
how many times can you ride it out?
how many thoughts do you lie about?
Oh! When our line comes in
You’ll be riding the bus
You’ll be begging for it.
Oh! When you’re bedridden
You’ll be cursing your god
like you don’t deserve it
get on get off get on again
this wasteland is whittling the bones
cracking veins just like the frost on the window
and the backseat don’t seem quite so warm.
start and stop until it’s sliding off road
you slip and you slide and you slide again
falling fast and you cough from the cold
you slip off of the earth again
and you’ve heard in different words and different tongues
the same refrain
for a decade still you
open the windows and you pray for rain
the fear is king again
and you’ve no crown atop your head
you get on and off and on again
so much it never ends
how many times can you read it out?
how many lies do you tell yourself?
|
||||
5. |
Cheers
03:03
|
|||
I had these fiery, aimless road dog dreams
That had ruined my life since my early teens
And deep down in the world war two bunker
some kid lit up and asked “wait, is it cool if we smoke down here?”
the question answered itself
John coughed up his lungs, ordered the crew another round
the show was fine
guarantee was plenty
but the dance afterparty was starting
and it was better attended
there was a room in which to sleep
better than the previous week’s
and kebabs down the street
and Joppo found himself some drugs
and Aymen knew some Latvian
who’d caught a show on the last run
and to think i wanted to leave
when we’ve got everything we’ll ever need
maybe a smiling devil waits for me and my friends
at hell’s gates
for every selfish act, the worst of days
but ain’t these last few days been great?
yeah we’ve got friends in budapest
that gave us a place to rest
An empty school with some beds.
we did 15 hour drives
through the Swedish countryside
just Nicky G and Al Cam at our sides
|
||||
6. |
Lifer
02:02
|
|||
stuck in a third ward tourist bar
the moment the heart collapsed.
lept out the plane with parachutes
but never released a clasp
so have i gone crazy?
cause it’s alright lately
or is it just some mental block i put in place
to try and save some face?
behind the pine
we found our sea legs
but we lost them there
and when the tide began to rise
we were kicking phantom limbs
i swear this is just a little stop gap,
but the gap became a mousetrap.
I’m a rat without a tail without a roadmap
it’s groundhog day
it’s the hard way
to hang onto freedom
without ever really being free
|
||||
7. |
Died a Drunk
03:35
|
|||
i was awake when Katie called
and I knew just what it'd be
she never calls
so I picked up
shoulda just stayed asleep
trembling and shaking with them nicotine blues
i laid waste to the whole day
used to get fucked up over you
to sum it all up
he was born
died a drunk
It don’t matter all the days he spent clean
frayed through the wires
of a cheap equalizer
til the signal had ceased.
to be truly free
to sever roots from the tree
to know now is the only way out
to finally see
what a joy it can be
to exist. not a king with a crown
you ain’t nobody now
i used to shoot the shit
and drink coffee with jeff
and i hung on his words
like a cross
then jeff went and spent
his last breath on a rig
and i don’t know what to believe now
but i think that’s how to be truly free
|
||||
8. |
Blind Spot
02:28
|
|||
i've been getting pretty spooked
bout how i live so close to you
and when someone says your name
there's still a little twinge of pain
you pulled me in with a chain of flowers
you said you'd be over in an hour
but you lied
you're in my blind spot
and i never wanna look back
you left me in knots
and i never cut myself slack
because i was nuts
what the fuck?
can you just disappear now?
we were going way too far
i almost gave myself a scar
you were playin a nasty game
my heart is filled with so much shame
you want success? i give you doubt
your music sucks so fuck around and find out
and even still
i take my pills
i don't want one more slip up
you fooled around
i hate the sound
i just can't take the same thing
over and over
now i'm sober from you
|
||||
9. |
Spent
03:08
|
|||
it’s winter time on the east side
and i’m so so out of place.
it’s been months since i’ve wandered round here
Without this fear run’ through my veins
and maybe some day i’ll walk with my head held high.
and not just shut down
and maybe one day it’ll be just you and i
But for now I’m walkin Milwaukee
Walking with my feet ten feet under Kane
Turnin down Prospect.
Whistlin’ dixie to your name.
And I wanna reroute my path
And I wish that high woulda lasted
At least the three more blocks
I’ve got, but now it’s spent
(Be your breath!)
Feelings ain’t facts
(Clear your head!)
But some feelings last
And they stick and they convert
The worst of every single word
Until they become the living world
And the present is the past.
But for now I’m breathing in this city
Pacing to a steady rhythm
Humming along with Canadian Summer and Heartland 99
Cause I can’t keep writing these goddamn silly
heartbreak relapse shithead ditties
I can’t help feeling like this can be the last and final one.
|
||||
10. |
Tandem
02:42
|
|||
stop playing games before the good love’s gone
stop being cautious ‘fore your life is done
start giving a shit
start doing the work it takes
and drop the stone
do you still feel the shame?
the white burning of guilt
do you still feel the same
as you did before?
everyone has left this house
everyone but me
and they’ve got bigger plans
and i want to believe
that i won’t live and die here, no
all this time has come and gone
the past ain’t but a story
and i’m not the same person i was then
happiness is but a myth
happiness is knowing you’ve got some pills
it’s gone the moment they’re in your throat
happiness is keeping your bed warm
but it’s gone, they’re out the door
cause they won’t live and die here, no
|
||||
11. |
Pacer
04:18
|
|||
you wake. adrift
a lake of puddles in a tent
still grinding your teeth from
pulling errant strings in tandem
you wait. not sick.
not well. maybe non-existent
drove the highway stuck in static
checked your breathing
scanned your senses
spent a decade stagnant
have you counted any blessings
or mended any fences?
spent a lifetime hoping
that life is infinite, significant
anything but what it is
my very own inverted cross
one that i can't sort the meaning of
bad luck, false pride or diffidence?
or am i overthinking this?
at the end of the day, does he even exist?
at the end of the day, is there a difference?
it wasn’t such a bad year
got stuck, collapsed
but i’m still here
and there were days when i kept up the pace
you know it won’t such a bad year
the right words are ringing in my ears
that i don’t have to a hold a steady pace no more
a summary of pain and loss
ain’t that grand when all chalked up
time etched its space and nothing more
and what i hold ain’t what i owe
you prayed, in doubt
bout everything but what would really count
cause even with the billboard on your wall
you’d re-divert your path to
exchange some wits,
pleasantries, tame politics.
but you know no matter what will happen
none of that shit makes you happy
at the end of the day, does it even exist?
at the end of the day, is there a difference?
but it wasn’t such a bad year
got stuck, collapsed
but i’m still here
and there were days when i kept up the pace, you know
it won’t such a bad year
cause i’ve got plans
but i’m right here
and i don’t have to a hold a steady single pace
and stop fighting and running from every single thing
|
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